I'm new here and haven't had the pleasure of attempting to buy anything from anyone on here as yet, perhaps one day. I'm drawn to the buy/ trade forum here like a moth to a flame for some reason
My comments here are more general in nature rather than in reference to the forums or sellers here.
Answering the op, I would have to say that there is more to it than simply your location. I appreciate that your circumstances make things difficult, and that leads to frustration on your part as well as making it more awkward for a seller to deal with you, but it's the combination of switcharoos between payment, address, shipping etc that is giving your sellers cause for concern. And rightly so, given the financial hit they would take if the deal went south. You need to make contact with the seller and fully explain your circumstances, let them make their mind up about dealing with you and if they are not comfortable doing so, move on and find another deal. There are plenty of good deals and sellers, but you need to make it as simple, transparent and straightforward for them to deal with you as possible. Also be mindful of things like time zone differences, you might be awake when your seller is asleep. Don't forget that private sellers often have some other day time job that may mean they might not be able to get back to you for a few days. Remember, it may be frustrationg for the seller too, so a little patience on both sides goes a long way.
I'm sure everyone here has at least one rant just itching to get out, here's my current one...
I'm Scottish, moved to Canada last year when I got married. Now in Scotland, I had access to all sorts of goodies and rarely any trouble finding reasonable deals on stuff. I moved to western Canada and it's like I stepped into the dark ages in many ways. I find it difficult to find things here that I would have normally just taken for granted there, which frustrates me to the point of ranting sometimes. Luckily for me, my wife lets it go in one ear and out the other
I probably buy 80% of any equipment that I need from the US, or close thereto, and the remainder from the far east, as I usually can't find it here locally. Or worse yet, I do find it, but feel sickened when I see what people here are charging for it. A recent example cost me $85 plus $40 in fuel to go and collect it when I couldn't wait the couple of weeks and buy the exact same item for $14 incl shipping from a far east supplier that I deal with from time to time. In case you are wondering, this was for a generic 48v power supply for a Cisco IP phone that I was repairing for a friend. I could have just bought an A1 condition phone for him from the US and had money left over at that sort of price mark up. About the only upside of that whole experience for me was that it was a new power supply and not a used one! Out of embarrassment, I swallowed the cost and gave it to him. The downside of having a captive audience and zero realistic competition in the market place here I suspect. In many cases I have found it actually cheaper to buy new equipment from larger suppliers and have lower cost shipping, than it would have cost me second hand with shipping or having to travel to collect goods from local ads or suppliers. To be fair, it has not all been bad, I did manage to do a wee deal on a server last year from a great guy locally, so there's hope yet
Ok, I feel better now, back to the point
I always communicate with sellers, US based or otherwise, before placing orders for anything. I make sure they know exactly where the goods will be shipping to in Canada or Scotland and when all is said and done, I pay for the goods immediately in whichever way they would prefer. I have proper registered and genuine addresses for shipping both here and in Scotland and I always offer my personal, verifiable, contact details upfront. I have rarely ever had a seller in the US, or anywhere else for that matter, refuse to sell to me either because I'm in Canada or when I'm back in Scotland.
Here's something to keep in mind. Trust is a two way street and any sale of goods is based upon exactly that principal, no matter if it's a deal done on a handshake, over the counter in a shop or a million miles away over the wire by email. If your seller doesn't trust that you are genuine for any reason, the deal is dead in the water, and vice versa, if you can't trust the seller walk away. If buying privately long distance try and find out if your seller would be happy to accept payment as a direct bank transfer rather than paypal etc. If they are, pay for the goods directly, that way your seller doesn't have to worry about being stitched up financially and can ship the goods when they confirm receipt of your money. It might also help if you accept responsibility for insuring the goods in transit, that way if anything does get damaged, it is you that is seeking compensation from the carrier and not the seller having the headache. Generally speaking though, I find being open, honest and courteous with folk plus having a genuine conversation goes a very long way to getting you what you need when you need it