Well, to follow up, the drives are great. Exactly what they are supposed to be.
The server doesn't accept them at all. (I had to test them on my Threadripper workstation)
Some testing and googling suggests that the Supermicro X9DRI-F I am using, while the specs claim it supports PCIe bifurcation, and the BIOS has configurations for each slot, very few people, if anyone at all has actually succeeded in getting it to work.
This is a real bummer since I had planned on grabbing one of those Dell Quad m.2 PCIe 16x adapters and put a bunch of m.2 drives in the server as well, but I believe they depend on bifurcation as well.
I spent several hours last night repeatedly rebooting the damn thing with its super long POST testing slot after slot unsuccessfully, with various BIOS settings, followed by relearning how to create a bootable DOS USB stick to update the BIOS and try again. (that and I chased ghosts for a while, as one of the SSD's in the server randomly died at the smae time I was working, and I thought it was something I did witht he configuration to cause it, turns out the drive just died (but I guess it was overdue after 90,000+ hours of uptime.)
I decided to eat the restocking fee and return my Supermicro AOC-SLG3-2E4R and instead get a non-R version (Supermicro AOC-SLG3-2E4) which has a PLX chip in it to avoid the PCIe bifurcation requirement. Wish me luck.