Hmmm ok had another play tonight
thought I would try and find an older firmware, specifically from IBM for these cards.... not the Emulex firmware that they generally direct you to.
found a different firmware,
cards originally were
1st card was firmware version 4.2.412
2nd card was older at 3.x.xx
updated both originally with the emulex firmware ver 10.0.803.31
Both cards and transceivers wouldn't get a link
so now I found
IBM Firmware 10.2.261.36-1
applied that in windows, connected port 0 to port 1 and got a link up
applied the same firmware to the 2nd card, installed ubuntu 12.04.........connect cable between the two servers (port 0 on each) and back to the link down status
fiddled around in the bios and changed the port status's to disabled, then back again to enabled........boom 10gbps link
exit bios and reboot....link light still on (good sign)
boot into ubuntu 12.04 live usb.......link is still up.
quick ping and a samba copy test to the windows box.......good it's working
so now installing ubuntu 12.04 properly to see what happens
pretty happy, even if it's only testing at present.... and lots to learn and configure yet. (kind of wish I found this before I forked out for the DAC cables that are on route....but meh I still need one more cable at minimum)
total cost so far
2 x IBM 49Y7942 = $100 + $8 postage
3 x SFP+ Transceivers = $31.63 + $6.15 postage
2 x LC>LC Cables Free already owned them
Total $145.78
3 x DAC Cables still to arrive $155.71

>>> more than the working lot above
Might have to offload a couple of the DAC cables to recoup some costs