On another note, I have been able, w/some assistance/pressure from ebay to get the seller to take the cards back and issue a refund. I would have been happy to have received actual Intel cards per the listing but I guess if the seller had those in the first place this wouldn't have been an issue.
I borrowed a card from a friend that had fw less than 3.0 (2.75 maybe), genuine intel, experienced the same issue on the gigabyte board w/the transceiver/reset bit. I updated the fw on the same platform, to v4.40, and it behaves like a normal card; across resets/reboots even.
So I guess I'll either pick up some actual verified Intel e810s or a connect-x 6 dx. I saw another poster (different thread here) claiming those are superior to the e810s in every way outside of the breakout functionality.
Thanks to everyone for the info/advice/"ride"!