Joke/Mishap Thread - Post all your funny and shitty ideas/experiences/thoughts

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Sleyk, May 26, 2016.

  1. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    Hey guys! Being the clown I am, I had to create a thread for this. I hope it turns into a place where people can post their funny stories and pics.

    Also, maybe include stories of bad experiences and mishaps?

    It can be for a good laugh and maybe, just maybe, we learn a thing or two...
     
    #1
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2017
  2. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    I will go first.

    You know how sometimes you come across an arrogant seller who insults you in the best offer department? You know, when you enter a bid, and the seller counters your bid by taking off just like 0.99 cents or something stupid? Then you try to up your bid to let them know that you were serious about the bid, but they still insult you with the counteroffer? Well then, take a look at this:


    [​IMG]
     
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  3. Ramos

    Ramos Member

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    I hate talking to buyers right now, after a major selling spree of pretty much all my value items due to possibly having to move alot around the next 5 years.

    Had a laptop for sales for 2k / 300 usd and 3k / 450 usd with my ssd i had swapped in and then the tb irondisk on the side with a USB3 interface and since it was a great laptop, I wrote "no offers under 2k" and justified that it was the cheapest on the site of the same model already and that the condition was impeccable.

    Some guy: "1500, I'll come get it this evening, address fast or you lose"

    Next guy: "Hey 1200 with all of it, then you get cash now and you deliver it to this train station between 20 and 21 tonight or I find you and give you 500 only"

    Brilliant. Wish I had US castle laws and a 12 gauge after those.

    Another guy offered me 100 for world class dart arrows worth 300-400 (50-60 usd, Phil Taylor signature 2003 world champ darts) and when I said "No. Read the ad" (where I specified minimum bids of less than 200 would be ignored), he threatened me back and told me he knew where I lived and "could take those anytime he wanted anyway". Then I told him I had a camera just inside the balcony window streaming to a cloud and that I was covered so he could f off. He then said I was bluffing and that he would crawl in and smash everything to pieces and take what he wanted. I then knew he was bluffing cause I live on the 10th (isch for anonimity) and that he would have to bring a 70 foot ladder to get in while 200+ people would be able to watch :D

    Then I reported him for threats but heard nothing since, so he likely just got a ban, sadly.

    No so much jokes, but a lot of turmoil in an already buzy life.

    On the good side, I sold 4 books for way more than I had hoped for and to a fellow collector of these very specific fantasy books and he was over the moon with the NM condition of my books and my extra 20 yr old handwritten notes on some codes inside them. Even wanted to pay extra but I refused. We both walked away supremely happy with the deal. The totally ethically correct buyer.
     
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  4. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    Nice story Ramos! I loved the part when you said he would have to bring a 70 foot ladder to climb in. That was hilarious.
     
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  5. Ramos

    Ramos Member

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    Yeah it was pretty fun when I realized it was just a troll/intimidater. But the sad thing is that those kinda buyers are not rare to find.

    Another funny office story:
    - Old colleague leaves firm
    - Boss decided to buy him a bottle of whisky (Lagavulin 16 yrs) for goodbye-present.
    - Secretary that orders that stuff for presents, has her brain on automatic mode and since we usually order wine, and then in 3-bottles-in-a-cardboard/wood-box, she just hits "3" in amount and ...
    - ... Boss is scratching his head when he stands there with a $250 bill for 3 bottles of whisky gift-wrapped like wine :D
    - Was too expensive for a gift, but they struck a deal with the guy leaving so he got 1 bottle officially and bought the other 2 for half price, so the rules for gifts maximum ethics blablah weren't violated etc. Old colleague was okay with the deal since he loved that whisky and booze for half price, what's not to love.
     
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  6. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    Nice. Gift wine you end up paying for! Typical story of a guys life right!
     
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  7. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    Listen to this joke:

    So, a Microsoft Datacenter goes down. It goes down hard. I mean, that shit tanks. Last thing we know is that it was hosting a huge amount of data on police records and monkey feces bacterial infections. Don't ask me why police records are mixed and stored with that type of shit. I just couldn't tell ya. Somebody messed up, I don't know.

    The company calls in the most elite network/data/storage/ibm-watson type sons of bitches money can buy. They say, "go find the problem, fix it, and destroy any and all traces of software that may have caused this horrible tragedy!"

    So off to the races these super genius computer engineers go.

    They search the system high and low...
    They pull out hardware and change out motherboards...
    They do chkdsk on all the drives and all of that...
    They scan the whole system for viruses...

    Then suddenly, they find it.....a virus. A giant, super, black mess of a worm type thing.

    So the heroes bring a sample of the disgusting piece of software to Gates himself. They show him the code.

    He looks at it, and gets so freaking mad.

    He says, "Scan the entire catalogue of all our software. Heck, scan the entire internet and find any trace of this horrible code and nuke it!"

    The genius engineers go to interrupt him. "But sir....we don't think doing that is a good idea"

    "What! Gates says. "I am the founder of Microsoft! No, as a matter of fact, I am Microsoft! Do as I say!"

    So, obedient to the order, the computer engineers carry out their plan.

    ***********************************************************************

    Later that afternoon, Gates goes home to one his mansions and turns on the news.

    "This just in, at 5pm channel 42 news. All traces of the new operating system Windows 10, has been wiped off the entire internet and is unavailable for download anywhere.
     
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  8. pricklypunter

    pricklypunter Well-Known Member

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    Several years ago I was attending College part time with a friend, both to help him study and for something fun to do to fill some free time. On this particular weekend, I had been showing him how to set up, promote and configure a windows machine with AD, DNS and DHCP, as his course was going to cover this subject in class the following week. I was unable to attend that week due to work.

    So anyway, I get a text message the following Thursday while I'm at work from another friend, one of the course lecturers. The admin and staff had been chasing all manner of network issues around the College the whole week, finally catching up with my friend on the Thursday afternoon.

    Instead of plugging his test machine into the local isolated network in class, like he was supposed to, he was plugging it into the main college LAN by accident and was quite happily doling out IP addresses to all and sundry, complete with duff DNS information and policy. As the classes were short duration, by the time the staff had isolated the room that the problem was coming from, he had shut off his test machine and left for the day and as he was in a different room each day, the rogue moved around with him. Every time he fired up the box, he took down whole area's of the College LAN. Kept the staff on their toes the whole week. Allegedly they burst into the lecture room like a SWAT team!

    Luckily I wasn't there that week or I'm sure I would have gotten the blame by association :D
     
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  9. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    Ha! That is hilarious man! Can you imagine what the college techs were thinking! "Some hacker must be messing with us!" That is crazy! They must have been scared shitless! Can you imagine them thinking that the culprit is some smart, secret agent spy type guy evading them at every turn!

    Great story Pricklypunter!
     
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  10. pricklypunter

    pricklypunter Well-Known Member

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    I fell about laughing when I heard, although it could have been more serious, the outcome was a positive one. It forced the lazy ass admin to review his access layer security. The whole affair was the talk of the pub for days afterwards and all was forgiven when it came to light that it was a genuine mistake and no malice was intended. Hats off to all the staff there though, they were a great bunch to work alongside and learn from, even if John (the admin) was a grumpy sod ;) :D
     
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  11. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    Yeah, that's cool. It definitely worked out in a positive light. I just can't get over your friend though. The poor guy never realized that he was moving around in the shadows like a super spy. He would log in, do the damage, then be out before they had a chance to know what the hell was going on. That's some James Bond type stealth right there!
     
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  12. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    A tech idiot's jokes

    So an idiot wants to tell some tech jokes. He goes up to his friends and starts telling his jokes. This is their conversation:

    tech idiot: What do you get when your mother is bored?

    tech idiot friends: What do you get?

    tech idiot: a motherboard!

    tech idiot friends: a...ha....ah...ha......aaaaaa.

    tech idiot: ok, ok, so you didn't find that one all that funny. Ok, then how about this one. What do you get when you spell icpu?

    tech idiot friends: what do you get?

    tech idiot: I see pee on you!

    tech idiot friends: oh, yeah....so that wasn't funny at all.

    tech idiot: ok, ok, so tough crowd! Then my final joke is this: what computer has the best game in talking to women?

    tech idiot friends: which one?

    tech idiot: the mac!

    It was at this point the tech idiot's friends just walked away from him.
     
    #12
    Last edited: May 30, 2016
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  13. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    Q and A with Sleyk - 1

    Q: So what's the difference between the sexy core i7's huge natural boobs and the tiny a-cup boobs on the FX 8350?

    A: The archi "texture"
     
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  14. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    A sad and unfortunate mishap + a $500 dollar lesson

    So I am ashamed to admit this, but my carelessness and general taking of shortcuts made me destroy all 15 of my brother's 2TB drives.

    Take my experience my friends, learn from it, and curse me secretly under your breath for my stupidity. Heck, curse me out loud for my stupidity. Go ahead, do it. I should have known better.

    So, I set my brother up with his 2011 server. He has a 20 bay Norco case of which he has the ability to add in 20 drives of his choosing. May it be 2TB or 4TB. He uses a 16i Marvell controller + 4 onboard ports to make the 20 ports necessary for him to add his drives whenever he wants to. That setup is great, and there are no issues there.

    But me, being the genius I am, told him:

    "Hey chap, you can also use the 16e cards to put drives in a box externally for even more slots/bays chap"

    So, he came over to my house and saw my setup. He thought it was a good idea. Prior to this, he would just use the internal bays of whatever chassis he had, and never wanted to, or even thought about external cases/chassis' full of drives.

    So, he buys a Rosewill RSV L4500 case, the case I recommended, and starts loading up his drives.

    This is where I made the fatal mistake.

    Up until prior to this whole mishap, I would power my drives without a motherboard installed. I would use the (now I realize this as a
    shit-asticly dangerous) method of powering the drives by turning on the psu with the pin ground trick. I must admit, this has always worked for me in the past. I saw no reason it wouldn't work again. So I mod his 1000 watt psu with a fightin' paperclip and connect all the drives to molex and sata power and turn that bastard on.

    Next thing I know, I start smelling the one smell you don't want to smell anywhere near or around your electrical components: OZONE. Three deadly molecules of oxygen bound together, letting you know that your electronics are going towards electrical death.

    I rush and yank the chassis forward and turn off the power switch and pull out the fightin' plug. But alas my friends, it was too late. I fried out all 15 drives.

    All 15. Bloody. Drives!

    I told my brother that since it was totally my fault, and that I should have known better, I will replace all of them. I actually just finished replacing all 15 of his drives. I gave him some of the drives from my stash and the rest I bought fresh. Cost me a pretty $500 bucks. Fun times....

    Prior to adding the drives to the case, my brother had put the 15 drives in Windows and transferred 30TB worth of Anime, TV shows, Rare Cartoons and about 1000 1080p Movies.

    I lost it all.

    Thing is, I think the drives may still work if the boards are replaced. What I mean by that is that I think the data may still be on the drives intact. I put a known working hard drive board on a few of the drives that had their boards fried, and they spun up. Time will tell if the data is still intact. It should be, but I'm not hoping for the best.

    So now it's off to eBay to look for replacement hard drive pcb boards for all 15 drives! Yay!

    I have since realized, a little too damn late of course, that I could have just installed a cheap core 2 duo, lga 775 motherboard and power the drives properly through the board. I have plenty of them lying around. Heck, my brother has at least 20 old 1156 and 1155 matx boards lying around. There was no need to be that dangerous with the drives. It was so weird though. It was like it hadn't dawned upon me to do that until I frigged up all the drives. If I had installed a motherboard, it could have still happened maybe, but at least, the motherboard can work along with the psu to control and regulate the voltage to the drives.

    So there you has it. Take a lesson from me peeps and peepettes. Don't do drugs, and Don't mistreat animals. They'll testify against you in the judgement. Especially dogs. GOD made them to be our best friends. They will tell him all the mean things you done to them while they were alive. You don't want that.

    Oh and don't ever, ever power drives without a motherboard. Lesson learned. A $500 dollar lesson learned.

    P.S. I do have a backup of most of the data sitting in my pools. Its where my brother got the original data from.
    If nothing else, I'm gonna Karen's Directory Printer the shit out of my data now. I don't care if I lose all my data, I just need to know what I lost so I could just re-download it again.

    My ISP gets more than enough of my money anyways.
     
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  15. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    Q and A with Sleyk - 2

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    A: To get to the amc theater down the street and be one of the first people to see Captain America: Civil War. Hells yeah! Run chicken, run!
     
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  16. manxam

    manxam Active Member

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    HTML:
    <cricket>Chirp...Chirp...</cricket>
    :p
     
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  17. whitey

    whitey Moderator

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    Yeah I was starting to wonder if @Sleyk had a weekend alone w/out the Mrs. or kiddos hah

    That is if he has those types of responsibilities..heh j/k @Sleyk, I'm getting a kick here and there out of the BOFH themed stories if nothing else.
     
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  18. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    Manxam, tough crowd huh.....

    For ya info fellas, I work at night, and at downtime I write these jokes for you guys....hope you like 'em!

    Maybe not, they're horrible!

    Why would the misses stop me from posting on this forum with all you delightful people? Huh? Huh?

    In any case, glad you guys are at least alittle entertained!

    Come, take a load off, relax, read a joke, then get back to the serious workflow. Taking time to laugh is just as important, if not more important than being serious all the time.

    (Know what, that sounded kind of cool. Gonna make that my new sig.)

    I want people to know that. Even if it means they, in turn, don't take me seriously! After all, who cares what some clown bastard thinks right?

    I'm just in it for the lulz!

    More jokes to come, and please, if anybody knows of a funny story or mishap, please post it! I wanna laugh at people's nonsense too!
     
    #18
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
  19. Sleyk

    Sleyk Active Member

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    Q and A with Sleyk - Special

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    A: To get the hell away from some of the bad jokes Sleyk is telling on this thread. Run chicken! Run!
     
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  20. keybored

    keybored Active Member

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    These are not my shitty ideas/experiences, but they probably belong here: title
     
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