OK, 7 hours later...
What a pain in the...
Used LSI Storage Authority to try and update the firmware. Said the firmware file was corrupt.
Was able to figure out using StorCLI, or so I thought, but nothing would work, I kept getting errors.
So my next idea was to remove the card from my server and put it in my main computer since it has UEFI. Did that, used shell.efi on a thumb drive, had a few issues but eventually got into the shell. Sweet! Started following the instructions iblik.94 gave but I was getting errors again. More research was required.
First problem: storcli / cx download firmware file = HBA_9405W-16i_SAS_SATA_Profile.bin
So apparently the x in cx is supposed to be a number. The adapter number. Since I only have one, the number was zero.
Second problem: Where is says 'download firmware file' I didn't realize that was supposed to be typed out/included. So I was only typing storcli /c0 HBA_9400-8i_SAS_SATA_Profile.bin
It still wouldn't work typing it all out. I looked through the storcli commands and decide to try only 'download file'. And bam, it worked!
Followed the rest of the instructions, put it back into my server, and booted it up. Everything looked good when booting, and then I went back into LSI Storage Authority. It now says HBA 9400-8i, everything is updated, and all my drives are visible.
I did say I needed it Barney style! LOL Took me all day but got it figured out.